I am struggling to accept that my marriage is over.
I keep daydreaming that the x will change his mind, and he will burst through the door, soaking wet (because it would be pouring rain, in true Darcy or Rochester manner,) run to me, sweep me in his arms and kiss me with a kiss that promises he will never leave my side again.
It's so possible.
However, it's also possible that Hugh Jackman could burst through the door in similar fashion. Which would be very surprising, but I might be willing to settle. Mrs Hugh Jackman may not be thrilled so it really would work better for everyone if x just decided to do it.
The vast majority of divorcees have issues with acceptance. One of the main reasons I've personally struggled because of my religious beliefs: We believe that when we are married in one of God's Temples that our marriage is for "time and all eternity" (very common phrase in lds culture), and that one of our primary reasons for coming to this earth is to find our "eternal companion" (another popular phrase. Google it and see if something mormon related pops up. I dare you.) Breaking the marriage covenant is one of the most tragic things we could possibly do. So when your "e.c." decides that he's out, it sure does take some time to wrap your head around it.
So, how to find acceptance?
I am still working on it, so I don't actually have an answer for you. I of course know that textbook answers: take down all photos and remembrances, stop all communication with former spouse, spend some time making new friends and hanging out with old ones, focus on your personal goals and self improvement...
None of those have worked for me so far, but I'm optimistic.
In the meantime, I have been able to make a very good list of things that cripple my sweet, budding acceptance and turn it to mulch, and so instead I will share those and tell you to go forth and do something besides that.
1 Stop watching sappy wedding shows, such as "Say Yes to the Dress", "Four Weddings"...possibly stop wacthing TLC altogether. Except "What Not To Wear" of course.
2 Bridezilla's is the exception to not watching wedding shows, as it's terrifying. Actually, watching is encouraged because it makes you appear sane, calm and composed. Those people are crazy.
3 No facebook stalking. Happy status will make you depressed that he is happy without you. Sad status will make you want to comfort him. No update will bring irrational fear that he is out having too much fun to even take a moment to update. Stay away from his page.
4 Answering his calls will only bring tears. He is not calling to tell you he loves you. He is not calling to say he changed his mind and he coming for you. He is calling because he needs to talk about health insurance or car payments. Such calls can be converted into emails or text messages. If he changes his mind about your relationship, he can come in a la Darcy as illustrated at the top. Besides, that's really how he ought to do it anyway.
5 Maybe stop picturing him bursting in a la Darcy, dripping wet and love famished. Maybe.
6 Holding on to items of his is not helpful. Especially if they are romantically related. If you still sob at seeing his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles belt buckle, send it back. Even if it's your favorite. If you still cry when you look at the carpet because he walked there...you may need an x exorcist.
7 Stop weighing yourself. That number has nothing to do with your worth.
8 Don't try and improve yourself simply to make him jealous or realize what a mistake he made. Improve yourself to feel better about yourself. If the regret comes with it, bonus. But not the goal.
Once you've been blessed with acceptance, maybe you can slowly bring out some keepsakes or talk to him once and a while, but I'm not certain. I haven't gotten there yet after all.
Don't worry, I really am sending back the Ninja Turtles belt buckle. Eventually.
I keep daydreaming that the x will change his mind, and he will burst through the door, soaking wet (because it would be pouring rain, in true Darcy or Rochester manner,) run to me, sweep me in his arms and kiss me with a kiss that promises he will never leave my side again.
It's so possible.
However, it's also possible that Hugh Jackman could burst through the door in similar fashion. Which would be very surprising, but I might be willing to settle. Mrs Hugh Jackman may not be thrilled so it really would work better for everyone if x just decided to do it.
The vast majority of divorcees have issues with acceptance. One of the main reasons I've personally struggled because of my religious beliefs: We believe that when we are married in one of God's Temples that our marriage is for "time and all eternity" (very common phrase in lds culture), and that one of our primary reasons for coming to this earth is to find our "eternal companion" (another popular phrase. Google it and see if something mormon related pops up. I dare you.) Breaking the marriage covenant is one of the most tragic things we could possibly do. So when your "e.c." decides that he's out, it sure does take some time to wrap your head around it.
So, how to find acceptance?
I am still working on it, so I don't actually have an answer for you. I of course know that textbook answers: take down all photos and remembrances, stop all communication with former spouse, spend some time making new friends and hanging out with old ones, focus on your personal goals and self improvement...
None of those have worked for me so far, but I'm optimistic.
In the meantime, I have been able to make a very good list of things that cripple my sweet, budding acceptance and turn it to mulch, and so instead I will share those and tell you to go forth and do something besides that.
1 Stop watching sappy wedding shows, such as "Say Yes to the Dress", "Four Weddings"...possibly stop wacthing TLC altogether. Except "What Not To Wear" of course.
2 Bridezilla's is the exception to not watching wedding shows, as it's terrifying. Actually, watching is encouraged because it makes you appear sane, calm and composed. Those people are crazy.
3 No facebook stalking. Happy status will make you depressed that he is happy without you. Sad status will make you want to comfort him. No update will bring irrational fear that he is out having too much fun to even take a moment to update. Stay away from his page.
4 Answering his calls will only bring tears. He is not calling to tell you he loves you. He is not calling to say he changed his mind and he coming for you. He is calling because he needs to talk about health insurance or car payments. Such calls can be converted into emails or text messages. If he changes his mind about your relationship, he can come in a la Darcy as illustrated at the top. Besides, that's really how he ought to do it anyway.
5 Maybe stop picturing him bursting in a la Darcy, dripping wet and love famished. Maybe.
6 Holding on to items of his is not helpful. Especially if they are romantically related. If you still sob at seeing his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles belt buckle, send it back. Even if it's your favorite. If you still cry when you look at the carpet because he walked there...you may need an x exorcist.
7 Stop weighing yourself. That number has nothing to do with your worth.
8 Don't try and improve yourself simply to make him jealous or realize what a mistake he made. Improve yourself to feel better about yourself. If the regret comes with it, bonus. But not the goal.
Once you've been blessed with acceptance, maybe you can slowly bring out some keepsakes or talk to him once and a while, but I'm not certain. I haven't gotten there yet after all.
Don't worry, I really am sending back the Ninja Turtles belt buckle. Eventually.
